I haven't been sleeping well lately. Read: barely at all. First it was the heat, then it was/is stress.
I'm told I don't "express my feelings" enough. WHAT THE FUCK??? Oh right. I blog my feelings a lot.
In all honesty, it's much, much easier for me to smile and nod or shrug my shoulders and walk away than it is to tell people they're fucking idiots and to leave me the hell alone with their stupidity.
Because at the end of the day, I don't like hurting people. Is it because I've been hurt a lot myself that I would never want to bestow feeling absolutely shitty about one's self onto others? Who the hell knows. I love a good debate, I hate bad arguments.
I've also found that I'm isolating myself from people. I'm not sure the reason. I have emails I haven't responded to. What do you say? What can be said? Some are just digging for information, others don't really have anything to reply back to save for acknowledging receipt.
I think I'm officially tired of this line of work I'm doing. I don't have the passion anymore. Or the autonomy. As much as my old job pissed me off with how things ended, they really did give me a lot of leeway to do my own thing.
I got in trouble for booking my own travel. It's always the little things that piss you off the most. Sure, it's charged to my visa. Sure I prefer it that way. I get the points for booking it online and then more points for actually flying.
I'm tired of putting off plans for various reasons. I didn't go to Las Vegas because I was going to England to see the Dave Matthews Band.
I didn't buy tickets to see DMB at The Gorge because I was going to see them in England.
Now I might not be able to see them in England (in 2 weeks) because I'm unemployed. Why be responsible? People who have less money than I do seem to be living a better life than I am. Why shouldn't I just say to heck with it and book a trip. For airfare and accommodations, it'd probably cost me $3,000.00 for 3 nights in London. One of those nights would be seeing The Boss and DMB. And it'd hit my quota of visiting a new place this year. The potential settlement to my lawsuit would then pay for such a trip, like it was supposed to had I not been booted from my job unceremoniously.
Speaking of the boot, apparently there's a lot of regret over me not being there anymore. DUH! I freakin' rocked. I still do. Even when I fake passion for the work I'm doing, I'm still doing a good job. Maybe that's why I feel it's a rut.
I'm thinking of rocking unemployment for the summer and work on evening out my tan.
I just want a good night's sleep.
I'm told I don't "express my feelings" enough. WHAT THE FUCK??? Oh right. I blog my feelings a lot.
In all honesty, it's much, much easier for me to smile and nod or shrug my shoulders and walk away than it is to tell people they're fucking idiots and to leave me the hell alone with their stupidity.
Because at the end of the day, I don't like hurting people. Is it because I've been hurt a lot myself that I would never want to bestow feeling absolutely shitty about one's self onto others? Who the hell knows. I love a good debate, I hate bad arguments.
I've also found that I'm isolating myself from people. I'm not sure the reason. I have emails I haven't responded to. What do you say? What can be said? Some are just digging for information, others don't really have anything to reply back to save for acknowledging receipt.
I think I'm officially tired of this line of work I'm doing. I don't have the passion anymore. Or the autonomy. As much as my old job pissed me off with how things ended, they really did give me a lot of leeway to do my own thing.
I got in trouble for booking my own travel. It's always the little things that piss you off the most. Sure, it's charged to my visa. Sure I prefer it that way. I get the points for booking it online and then more points for actually flying.
I'm tired of putting off plans for various reasons. I didn't go to Las Vegas because I was going to England to see the Dave Matthews Band.
I didn't buy tickets to see DMB at The Gorge because I was going to see them in England.
Now I might not be able to see them in England (in 2 weeks) because I'm unemployed. Why be responsible? People who have less money than I do seem to be living a better life than I am. Why shouldn't I just say to heck with it and book a trip. For airfare and accommodations, it'd probably cost me $3,000.00 for 3 nights in London. One of those nights would be seeing The Boss and DMB. And it'd hit my quota of visiting a new place this year. The potential settlement to my lawsuit would then pay for such a trip, like it was supposed to had I not been booted from my job unceremoniously.
Speaking of the boot, apparently there's a lot of regret over me not being there anymore. DUH! I freakin' rocked. I still do. Even when I fake passion for the work I'm doing, I'm still doing a good job. Maybe that's why I feel it's a rut.
I'm thinking of rocking unemployment for the summer and work on evening out my tan.
I just want a good night's sleep.
Labels: Go Blue Jays Go
Wow, pretty damn close to halfway through the year already.
Here's a girlie post. It's about emotions and feelings and anger.
One of my favourite movies is "Love Actually". One of my favourite scenes is where Keira Knightley opens her door and her husband's best friend is there with signs like, "To me you are perfect".
I think I've only met one perfect person and he was perfect because of his imperfections.
If you were to believe in the concept or the ideology of love, and that you only have one chance at it, and that chance passed you by, what do you do with the rest of your life?
What is love anyway? Separate "love" from "lust" and "desire" what does it mean today?
Now the caveat to all of this is I'm happy where I am.
I've just had a recent influx of people from my past coming back into my life for various reasons and it's quite odd.
I'm an analyzer by nerdiness. I like disecting and getting to the crux of issues and figuring out what makes it tick.
But what I am tired of is being someone's "Plan B". Good ole reliable jedi will always be there when I need her. NEED. I hate the word "need".
How about you want friends in your life instead of needing them to validate parts of you?
And if you think racism doesn't exist in this country look at people's facebook pages and twitter feeds.
It's disgusting and those that are supposedly tree hugging left wing commies, you'd figure they'd know better. You're on the fucking internet so I'm pretty sure you're capable of googling facts instead of passing along fiction.
And the silence you choose to keep makes you just as guilty as those who speak their perceived truths.
I've stopped talking to a lot of people this past month. Because I'm tired of bullshit and I'm tired of their self-perceived superiority. From someone who's had to work twice as hard to keep up, I am tired of those who feel they're entitled to things because they worked oh so hard.
My biggest fear, apart from losing those I love, is that all the progress I've made these past couple of years will disappear with a simple hello.
PS: I'm thinking of moving to Ottawa. Don't tell anyone.
Here's a girlie post. It's about emotions and feelings and anger.
One of my favourite movies is "Love Actually". One of my favourite scenes is where Keira Knightley opens her door and her husband's best friend is there with signs like, "To me you are perfect".
I think I've only met one perfect person and he was perfect because of his imperfections.
If you were to believe in the concept or the ideology of love, and that you only have one chance at it, and that chance passed you by, what do you do with the rest of your life?
What is love anyway? Separate "love" from "lust" and "desire" what does it mean today?
Now the caveat to all of this is I'm happy where I am.
I've just had a recent influx of people from my past coming back into my life for various reasons and it's quite odd.
I'm an analyzer by nerdiness. I like disecting and getting to the crux of issues and figuring out what makes it tick.
But what I am tired of is being someone's "Plan B". Good ole reliable jedi will always be there when I need her. NEED. I hate the word "need".
How about you want friends in your life instead of needing them to validate parts of you?
And if you think racism doesn't exist in this country look at people's facebook pages and twitter feeds.
It's disgusting and those that are supposedly tree hugging left wing commies, you'd figure they'd know better. You're on the fucking internet so I'm pretty sure you're capable of googling facts instead of passing along fiction.
And the silence you choose to keep makes you just as guilty as those who speak their perceived truths.
I've stopped talking to a lot of people this past month. Because I'm tired of bullshit and I'm tired of their self-perceived superiority. From someone who's had to work twice as hard to keep up, I am tired of those who feel they're entitled to things because they worked oh so hard.
My biggest fear, apart from losing those I love, is that all the progress I've made these past couple of years will disappear with a simple hello.
PS: I'm thinking of moving to Ottawa. Don't tell anyone.
Labels: Go Blue Jays Go
I'm back from my vacation. Unemployment for one day since I was on "vacation" until today. I spent the day trying not to get depressed.
The work I did was/is work I loved. I'm going to miss it. There's a meeting tomorrow with one of my pet projects that I won't be attending now. The fruits of my labour coming to fruition and someone else will take the glory. That freakin' pisses me off.
Apparently my dismissal/resignation has started making the rounds with many different people wanting to know the story from those they think have the answers.
I was actually invited to tomorrow's meeting. Someone attending thought it would make a big splash into my new position.
The day after I was dismissed/resigned, I was talking with the department head of one of our partners to let her know and she offered me contract work the day I returned.
She sent me a message this morning wanting a meeting with me at 1:30 today but I decided to spend the day being angry and depressed and spent most of it in bed then part of it at the movies. I returned her call when I got home. She wanted me to go on her behalf to the meeting tomorrow because I know the file backwards and forwards and my former boss/friend will be there and she probably has no clue since she never read any of my emails on the subject and what we should do so it would have been amusing to attend and be sitting on the other side of the table.
But I'm still pissed off and irritated. So instead I'll be developing templates and questionnaires for interviews I'll be conducting for the contract work I'll be doing.
I'm supposed to return all of my equipment and files by last Friday. I think they expect me to bring them in. I'm not going to. I'm going to box them up and then have them send someone to pick them up. Since I'm no longer in their employ, I'm not driving the 40 km return trip to the office on my time.
A friend of mine is also getting me free legal advice. There's a contract that was signed for employment that should be honoured.
Now that I'm on contracting hours, I'll actually be making more than I was before. Without the benefits but the benefits weren't that great to begin with.
I am going to miss my blackberry. I spent the day deleting gmail and twitterberry from it along with other programs and personal contact information. I might buy the storm and just upgrade my personal hardware. But that sucks.
The work I did was/is work I loved. I'm going to miss it. There's a meeting tomorrow with one of my pet projects that I won't be attending now. The fruits of my labour coming to fruition and someone else will take the glory. That freakin' pisses me off.
Apparently my dismissal/resignation has started making the rounds with many different people wanting to know the story from those they think have the answers.
I was actually invited to tomorrow's meeting. Someone attending thought it would make a big splash into my new position.
The day after I was dismissed/resigned, I was talking with the department head of one of our partners to let her know and she offered me contract work the day I returned.
She sent me a message this morning wanting a meeting with me at 1:30 today but I decided to spend the day being angry and depressed and spent most of it in bed then part of it at the movies. I returned her call when I got home. She wanted me to go on her behalf to the meeting tomorrow because I know the file backwards and forwards and my former boss/friend will be there and she probably has no clue since she never read any of my emails on the subject and what we should do so it would have been amusing to attend and be sitting on the other side of the table.
But I'm still pissed off and irritated. So instead I'll be developing templates and questionnaires for interviews I'll be conducting for the contract work I'll be doing.
I'm supposed to return all of my equipment and files by last Friday. I think they expect me to bring them in. I'm not going to. I'm going to box them up and then have them send someone to pick them up. Since I'm no longer in their employ, I'm not driving the 40 km return trip to the office on my time.
A friend of mine is also getting me free legal advice. There's a contract that was signed for employment that should be honoured.
Now that I'm on contracting hours, I'll actually be making more than I was before. Without the benefits but the benefits weren't that great to begin with.
I am going to miss my blackberry. I spent the day deleting gmail and twitterberry from it along with other programs and personal contact information. I might buy the storm and just upgrade my personal hardware. But that sucks.
Labels: Go Blue Jays Go
About me
- Grace
- British Columbia, Canada
- jealous, insecure,narcissistic, paranoid, and delusional
- My profile