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I haven't been sleeping well lately. Read: barely at all. First it was the heat, then it was/is stress.

I'm told I don't "express my feelings" enough. WHAT THE FUCK??? Oh right. I blog my feelings a lot.

In all honesty, it's much, much easier for me to smile and nod or shrug my shoulders and walk away than it is to tell people they're fucking idiots and to leave me the hell alone with their stupidity.

Because at the end of the day, I don't like hurting people. Is it because I've been hurt a lot myself that I would never want to bestow feeling absolutely shitty about one's self onto others? Who the hell knows. I love a good debate, I hate bad arguments.

I've also found that I'm isolating myself from people. I'm not sure the reason. I have emails I haven't responded to. What do you say? What can be said? Some are just digging for information, others don't really have anything to reply back to save for acknowledging receipt.

I think I'm officially tired of this line of work I'm doing. I don't have the passion anymore. Or the autonomy. As much as my old job pissed me off with how things ended, they really did give me a lot of leeway to do my own thing.

I got in trouble for booking my own travel. It's always the little things that piss you off the most. Sure, it's charged to my visa. Sure I prefer it that way. I get the points for booking it online and then more points for actually flying.

I'm tired of putting off plans for various reasons. I didn't go to Las Vegas because I was going to England to see the Dave Matthews Band.

I didn't buy tickets to see DMB at The Gorge because I was going to see them in England.

Now I might not be able to see them in England (in 2 weeks) because I'm unemployed. Why be responsible? People who have less money than I do seem to be living a better life than I am. Why shouldn't I just say to heck with it and book a trip. For airfare and accommodations, it'd probably cost me $3,000.00 for 3 nights in London. One of those nights would be seeing The Boss and DMB. And it'd hit my quota of visiting a new place this year. The potential settlement to my lawsuit would then pay for such a trip, like it was supposed to had I not been booted from my job unceremoniously.

Speaking of the boot, apparently there's a lot of regret over me not being there anymore. DUH! I freakin' rocked. I still do. Even when I fake passion for the work I'm doing, I'm still doing a good job. Maybe that's why I feel it's a rut.

I'm thinking of rocking unemployment for the summer and work on evening out my tan.

I just want a good night's sleep.



About me

  • Grace
  • British Columbia, Canada
  • jealous, insecure,narcissistic, paranoid, and delusional
  • My profile

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Grace 2006
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