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I think I'm a post behind so why not two today?

I have some weird co-workers/friends. The friend that begged me to apply for this job is strange half the time.

I don't know if it's because I believe I have a moral compass or that they lack them.

Because my position can only be described as "management" I know I'm privy to information before pretty much anyone else is.

And it's affecting our friendship. Maybe just in my head but I'm thinking it's more than that. She doesn't work out of the office. Then, neither do I. But I'm closer to the office as I work in the city. She works a plane or ferry ride away. Yet, when she's in town, she never calls. She's out with other co-workers doing other things with them. And we're supposed to be friends?

When she's working out of her office, I hear from her everyday. She calls, she emails, she sends PINs (blackberry instant messaging). And I've noticed this pattern.

She's not really calling me as a friend, more of a colleague. Along the lines of, "Hey how's it going, what you working on? What's new? How'd your conference call go this morning?" Fishing expedition is the thought going through my mind. So essentially, I feel, she's using our friendship as the way in to my business. Work business.

Because of this, I've become guarded as to what I'm working on, what information I'm privy to and when she's in town, I don't try call her anymore to see what she's up to.

Take last week for example. After I got back from Ottawa we were attending these meetings and then a bunch of us went for a walk where I discovered they all went out to a bar to listen to a band playing. Oh....so that's why she stopped sending me messages. She knew I was back and perhaps didn't want me to know about this for fear I'd want to join? Perhaps she knew since I was on my way back, I'm not privy to anymore inside scoops from our nation's capital?

I don't feel like we're friends anymore because I really can't trust her. Maybe it's envy on her part. She let it slip that the job I have now was supposed to be hers. She is very ambitious and doesn't hide that. I'm not. I enjoy what I do but still have a lot to learn before I can take another step.

I don't know. I find people strange.

I was supposed to be at this meeting as they needed volunteers but I hadn't heard back if they needed me so I'm not going. I can be stubborn like that. But if you ask for volunteers and people volunteer I think there's some protocol of acknowledging someone's sign up and then ASSIGNING them something to do instead of thinking we all have telepathy.

I'm in a bad mood. I was playing poker last night with some dumbasses. They would go all in on a 6-9 and win a straight while I had pocket aces. In what reality is that supposed to happen? Would they do that in a tournament? I'd be liable to beat the ever living hell out of them if they did that. They're lucky it's just online and not for money because shit like that pisses me off.

I need to clean out my fridge and clean up my room. What a mess.

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About me

  • Grace
  • British Columbia, Canada
  • jealous, insecure,narcissistic, paranoid, and delusional
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Grace 2006
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